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V/A: 21 years of doom, death & darkness

08/06/10 || Daemonomania

Matt Daemon, your main man for comma filled sentences and overlong reviews, is back to take another stab at the ole various artists compilation disc. Pleasure abounds. For both of us. You may have heard recently that some think they’re better than me, but I’ve punched them in their face and fucked them up mentally (thank you, Ghostface). Now I’m back to see if Peaceville has released anything worthwhile in the course of 21 years of effort. Looks like some big name bands in here. So I’ll get to air my opinion on le elite – hastily formed based on one track. You have once chance, roster of Peaceville. Wish them luck.

Bloodbath: “Blasting the virginborn.” I’ve avoided Bubblebath ever since “Nightmares,” hearding they’d gone in a more speedy and modern direction. Listening to this, I won’t say I’m MISSING OUT per se, but might reconsider my stance. The slower mid-section seems a bit tacked however. What they attempted: Sandblasting and exfoliating the virginborn to reveal a shiny surface underneath. What they acheived: Nothing that will appear in this month’s issue of Better Homes and Gardens. 7/10

Novembre: “Anaemia.” Someone’s got Opeth’s cock buried in ‘em and is refusing to set it free. Opeth’s like, “yo, uh Novembre, that was good but I uh really gotta go.” And Novembre just looks up at Opeth with lovesick eyes, clenching those buttocks ever tighter. Songwriting, growls, and cleans just ain’t as good. What they desired: To birth an anal “Deliverance” baby. What they bore instead: An anaemic “Damnation” outtake. 4/10

Gallhammer: “World to be ashes.” I had a Gallhammer album for a bit. Emphasis on a bit. Quickly traded it right back into the void. Besides the fact that chicks are involved Gallpal is wholly unimpressive. World to be: Booooooring. 3.5/10

Madder Mortem: “My name is silence.” Is this the dude from System of a Down’s Syndrome’s sister on vocals? Fronting a core/melodeath/eh? band? Most folks that mention silence in their name/song titles should practice what they preach. You have been dubbed: Sadder Mortem. BAM. Too fucken easy. 2/10

Aura Noir: “Condor.” Actually this is pretty rad, but they should have brainstormed up another riff at the end. Drags on a bit after only 3 minutes. I’m going to go ahead and guess the lyrics are from the point of view of a California condor angrily bemoaning Johnny Cash’s destruction of its habitat via forest fire. Could this be: Black/thrash? Daemo says: Oh no. 6.5/10

Katatonia: “Dispossession”. “Dispossession” is what happens when big dudes come to your house and return all of your property. Anyhoo, not vomit-inducing at all, but at the same time not something I’d purposely listen to. Background Opethian alternative music with near-untraceable metal residue. Katatonia needs: A hug. And?: To up the antidepressant intake. 5/10

Opeth: “Face of Melinda”: After all of this music that sounds LIKE Opeth, it’s the fuzzy bunch themselves! Yippee. A very tasteful mostly acoustic tune in the “Harvest”/“A Fair Judgment” template. Complete with Renaissance Faire lyrics. I bought the album based on this track alone, and was a bit underwhelmed overall. What I Learned: Opeth have sounded about the same for quite a bit. Do I Mind?: Nah. 8.5/10

Anathema: “Fragile dreams.” Always avoided these guys because of the clean vocals. Any fragile dreams you may have had of those vocals getting any better, well, consider them busted like a glass rock. Toothless alterna-metal sleeping aid with keyboards aplenty. Where Anathema travels: The boggy moor of Lord Ravenshillock. And who do they meet upon their journey: The next band. 4/10

My Dying Bride: “Like gods of the sun.” If Anathema’s vocals were weak, this guy is a newborn-baby-repelling-a ninja-attack style feeble. And people make fun of Ozzy? At least the Bridal guitarist(s) rocks on the regular. The good: Gee whiz, actual metal. The Bad: Archbishop of Canterbury poofing up the mic. 5/10

At the Gates: “The swarm”. Smalley told me these guys suck, so I won’t bother listening to them. Always hated those icky vomit vocals. Back in the real world, I’ve never heard much ATG outside of “Slaughter…”, and like what I’m listening to now. If only this had come along before Daems gave up on melodeath. Amazing surprise: Real, actual, no joke metal after much vaginal weeping. Could it be: My brain registering pleasure once more? 7/10

Pentagram: “When the screams come.” Surprisingly never checked ‘em out before, though I’m sure I’ll catch a few earfulls at the Maryland Deathfiesta. Like anyone with good taste they deeply appreciate Ozzy-era Sabbath. In Pentagramofcoke’s case, perhaps to a fault. Option 1: Listen to Pentagram. Option 2: Just listen to the originals. 6/10

Darkthrone: “In the shadow of the horns.” Satan, could you please move? You’re ruining my tan. Fucken shadow of the fucken horns. Sounds like my “Condor” buddies with a bit more Motörhead thrown in, and better vocals. They still need about two more riffs to prevent draggage. Frighteningly: I continue to enjoy tracks with black metal connotations. What it might lead to: A one way ticket to Norway to range the forests with Kampfar in search of mushrooms and misanthropy. 7/10

Paradise Lost: “Gothic.” The song title alone makes me nervous. Best bumper sticker I’ve ever seen has to be “I’m so Gothic I’m Dead”, by the way. To the matter at hand, shall we? Some actually evil growls make their presence felt, and my dong emerges, cautiously. Then some keyboards and ladysinging come in, and it retreats, gazing out of its pubic nest with great wariness. Not sure what to make of this. Ze daemodildo: Will need years of therapy to properly trust again. 6/10

Autopsy: “Severed survival.” Endless GD debate #1000 – does Autopsy rule or does Autopsy suck? Daembot will weigh in by saying that their mix of sloppiness, nice growls, and obscene bass don’t cause me consternation. Am I rushing out to purchase the boxed set? Nope. Lord K: Hates this shit. DaveDeath: Loves this shit. 7.5/10

Axegrinder: “Life chain.” I’ve got an axe to grind with that goddamn axegrinder sonofabitch! This tune sounds old as balls. Am I going to do the research and find out just how old? Not even if Indiana Jones agreed to pitch in, motherfucker. Two “chain” songs that are better: “The Killchain” and “Chain of fools.” Go Aretha, it’s you birfday. 4/10

Electro Hippies: “Scum.” Joy, grind without growls or shrieks. One less barrier to complete suckage. The best thing about this song: The band name. The second best thing: It was really short. 1/10

Doom: “Slave to convention.” Another quickie, though this one surely is MUCH grimier with some strained growls. I could handle more of it. But it ain’t accompanying me to Cancun. Do you like ze crust, ze grind?: Then slave your way on over to this Star Trek convention. 6/10

Deviated Instinct: “Cancer spreading.” This is definitely ancient. DI predicted the end of the world in 2012 and the Mayans exploited a loophole in pre-historic copyright law to cash in on the screenplay. Band musta rode on dinosaurs to the studio. Not to mention, is that my broken-ass air conditioner malfunctioning a bit at the beginning? So yeah, the song. Not bad, but again not something I shalt quest for. Would you rather have: Deviated instinct: Or… A deviated septum?: 5.5/10

Compared to some of my previous compilation painfests this shit was not half bad. Maybe even a band or two I’ll dig into, since the names have been around almost as long as Granny Peaceville herself. Good job, record label, you signed a few groups that didn’t completely shart in their skirts.

Information
Released: 2008
Label: Peaceville
Website: www.peaceville.com
Bands
Another bunch of people: vocals, bass, guitars, drums, marimba, deathing, blacking, grinding, axegrinding.

Tracklist
01. Blasting the Virginborn
02. ….now go back and read the review. I got you started at least. Stop whining.

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